I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
