a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
