who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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