I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
