He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i drank out of a bidet.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
