I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
