If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
