last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
