a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
