fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
