Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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