I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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