dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
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She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
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oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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