At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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