weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
