its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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