Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
