Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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