Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
