her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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