I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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