I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
