I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
