I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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