Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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