You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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