you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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