dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
