I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
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Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
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I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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