I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
