Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
