Plan B is the new Plan A
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
