my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
