Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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