quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
