My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
