Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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