It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
