My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
