yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize
