Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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