screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
