i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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