i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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