Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
