it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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