Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
