that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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