Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
