fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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