I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
