Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
