wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
