Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
