i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
