Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
