Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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