I want to make a zoo with you.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
