My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
