Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
this boner is exhausting
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YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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