D3 body, D1 cock
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
