I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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