were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
