Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we made out on top of his cat.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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