ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
