you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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