just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
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You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
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He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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